Let go. Welcome in.

Space. As in the space around you, a place, a home.....SPACE. What is it about a space then? Over the past couple of weeks I have been paying close attention to the 'spaces' and places I am in, and although I've known for a long time how much of an impact the energies within a space can have, it's only been the last couple of weeks I've been trying to really shift some of these energies. I know that to some this may sound pretty kooky and ridiculous - I would have been pretty sceptical once upon a time too! - but the very intent of shifting these energies and then the process of doing this has re-confirmed just how connected we all are with these spaces. Maybe next time you walk into a room - whether it be your bedroom, living room, kitchen - you can see if you can feel the energy in the room...what does it say about that space? A space can feel positive or negative - it could feel lonely, sad , angry, stagnant, stuck, lively, energetic, positive, meditative, light, happy, joyful, clear. I believe that the energies in a place reflect not only the people who share the space but the encounters that may have happened there, conversations, celebrations, emotions experienced. Being aware of these energies creates some pretty powerful ways of checking in with your own soul, too. Is there something that needs letting go? Maybe some thing new needs to be welcomed in. 

"Every place has a soul, an identity. Trying to discover that soul and relate to it means also learning to recognise our own soul" - L'anima dei luoghi, James Hillman.

It is so easy to not allow time for these moments of nurturing and cleansing. It is so easy to be swept up in the routine motions of each day and all the things that should be done right now. Recently I have been feeling so tired (you know, that emotional-mental-physical tired?) and so it came to mind this morning that what I was needing was to ALLOW myself some time. I actually had no plan or idea of what this would look like for the day, but what eventuated was perfectly in tune with what my soul was needing...a little ceremony of intention.

My intention was to create a space to actively let go of any old thoughts and stories that might be getting in my way (and also those that might be affecting the spaces around me) and to welcome in new stories of affirmation and intention. Some of the things I included were essential oils, candles, incense (sage) and a few other objects that having meaning to me - I'm sure you can really use anything that is meaningful to you. (I'm particularly grateful that I was able to share this with a beautiful soul-friend of mine!). Together we wrote down anything that came to mind that we might need to let go of, acknowledged it and then released it - ripping it up - into a box. Next we transformed that story into an affirmation and welcomed in new intentions. I wasn't actually planning on writing about this, but for some reason it just felt like I should (following in the nature of 'listening in'!). 

SO!  Will you allow time to nurture?

What could you let go of?

And...what will you choose to welcome in?

How do you choose to do these things? Feel free to share! :)

*** Love, Peace, Joy & Gratitude ***

xxx

How of the mind...

Ok, with a second cup of chai in hand...I'm here.

I wonder - how has your week been? I wonder - have you ever had so many ideas...ridiculously big ideas...that just overwhelm with conviction? This is where I am coming from today. It's exciting but scary and daunting all at the same time. It is slightly funny though, after writing last week about how I felt that I need to let go of the need to know where I'm going and what it is I'm working toward. I am still sticking to this, and I still don't know but I do feel that I'm beginning to really live the questions - and that in this place conviction can begin to take root and be realised through action. When we ask those questions that are stirred deeply and intuitively, they kind of demand a response - almost like they rebuke...so what are you going to do?! An idea that was suggested at the conference I was at over the weekend comes to mind: When considering the questions of "HOW?", rather than seeing this question in relation to organisational strategy, considering "How of the mind? How the mind encounters reality?" What happens if this is the objective? 

I wonder also, what it would look like if everyone followed their convictions? What would that look like for humanity? What would it look like if you lived your questions, and responded courageously with intuition? I imagine that our existence would look rather different if there had never been people willing to do this. So whatever it is you feel yourself being pulled toward, whatever questions might be rising, whatever convictions are taking hold... know these are all part of your beautiful path and they are waiting for you to listen - the fear of looking ridiculous or that you might be making a mistake is hopefully outweighed by these! I'm looking forward to sharing some of these new ideas with you (as soon as I can!) but for now I hope these few words and quotes will help you pursue whatever ideas are waiting to grow along your own path, wherever you might be. How of the mind - how does your mind encounter your reality? 

(borrowed from Do What You Love)

Live the questions now.

"Try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." 

- Rainer Maria Rilke

I admit I was not feeling very inspired or motivated to even go to my studio today. Resistance can show up in an endless number of ways, and today my mind was overtaking me with "there's no point...there's only a few hours left of the day, what can you possibly accomplish anyway?" Lucky for me I chose to dismiss these thoughts and pushed myself out the door. The Universe likes to sneak these little lessons in doesn't it? Hidden beneath my resistance today - and actually on and off for some time now - is this desire to just know already.... where am I headed to? What I am I working toward? What is the next step? How do I get there? Am I good enough to even get there? Not to mention....where is there again? These always seem like questions that loom over me, creating a huge sense of uncertainty and leading to restlessness. It's so often an unconscious questioning and longing... with a *false* sense of feeling that if only I knew I'd feel certain and more confident in my creative path. 

Today while trying to find my inspiration and motivation to start I started flicking through the various art books on my table. I came across the quote above while reading through Kelly Rae's lovely book 'Taking Flight'. I happened to open up to the chapter titled "embracing the journey" where Kelly Rae talks about how sometimes it is in the not knowing that we can find the most clarity and freedom. What would happen if I let go of the need to answer these questions and know all the time? What if I let go of the need to create for something and simply just painted for the sake of it. What if I allowed myself to put aside the need to decide what direction to take and just sit with this whole process for awhile, allowing the process itself to unfold in its own time. For me it is hard to sit 'still' with these questions - I am so easily caught up in the motion of things and like to feel like I'm constantly moving forward. Even though I know it is often in the slowing down that breakthroughs can really happen. Ironically it is sometimes in stillness that we can actually move forward in terms of creative growth. 

I also believe the commitment to do the work is so important, and perhaps this is the balance to work toward - committing to working at the process and letting go of the need to 'accomplish' at the same time. When we show up, no matter what state we may be in mentally or emotionally, we honour the deeper longing of the creative spirit, acknowledging the present but being receptive to whatever may be ahead. And so often this act of doing is what sparks inspiration in a way that is authentic to you. So, live the questions now. Show up, and, ask the questions. Allow them, acknowledge them... live them. Stop trying to answer them and figure it all out - just allow. Allow the answers to come freely and naturally unfold as they need to, not as you feel you need them. In asking the questions we enable ourselves to look more deeply, and when we look more deeply, we connect. It is in this place of connection that there can eventually be knowing.

* Peace, Joy & Gratitude *

Commitment as an intuitive action...

Since commitment has been a word that keeps surfacing since my time in Bali, I've decided to make a renewed commitment to this blog space. Commitment in believing there is a reason I decided to begin in the first place, and a commitment in the continuation of that belief. And, I am choosing to believe that whatever I need to say will flow with ease and for It's own purpose.

There has been lots of change around here for me, and most of these changes have revolved around a new understanding of commitment. While commitment can often be associated with a type of finality, or completion, or even a sense of 'irreversiblity'...I have discovered that within commitment there can be a HUGE amount of freedom. And not only that, but commitment doesn't have to necessarily mean you have made a final decision and there is no going back - instead, I'm beginning to see that commitment can actually be a more fluid action. It is a way of moving forward intuitively and boldly - whether on the canvas or in life.

The shift I'm experiencing now was propelled by a commitment to self-love I made in Bali, which I mentioned in my last post. I didn't anticipate this to impact every part of my life to the extent that it has, but I'm glad that it has. Not that it is particularly easy to shift from past patterns of thinking and ways of approaching life...it's definitely an ongoing shift. One area of huge change has been the need to really nurture my whole being. Part of this has been changing my whole perception of food and becoming more conscious of what I am eating (there is a whole other post there). I hadn't realised how far down on my priority list my own health had become - which seems ridiculous but I know that it is such a common spiral. In a time where everything seems "important" and there are so many of these "important" things to juggle it is too easy to let go of self-love and to not prioritise health and wellbeing.    (Let me just say it is pretty scary when you start reading what is included on food labels!).

The other major shift I'm feeling is a release of old negative patterns of thinking related what or how I think others may see me. I've been gradually releasing these patterns for such a long time, but hadn't realised that it was only myself standing in my way. What would it look like if I didn't have these fears or self-doubt? What choices would be different? What commitments would I make?

I guess this is also where my painting process is my teacher, because so often these are the questions that come up layer after layer. This is where my perception and understanding of what is happening on the canvas has changed for me. I feel more freedom in the commitments I make on the canvas - less hesitation to just do what feels good and right in the present moment. I'm seeing so many of my paintings transform completely - paintings that have sat there for months because I've felt 'stuck' have evolved dramatically by answering questions like these.

This idea of being able to follow what feels right intuitively is extending out into other areas of my life too and allowing me to make the commitment to put these 'truths' into action. The challenge (or commitment?) is to the continuum of self-love despite feelings of doubt and inadequacy. This action, perhaps is an acknowledgement that those emotional responses are contradictory to inner truth. Perhaps the commitment to intuitive action can re-write these stories on a deeper soul level and make it possible to live more closely to your own truth, your own potential.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others"
Marianne Williamson

** Love, Peace, Joy and Gratitude **

Bali: Listen In

Having returned from the magical place of Bali for the second time, I feel like I shouldn't be surprised by the inner shift I am experiencing and the flow on effect this has in life in general. Although, transformation is like that - you can never really know fully what it is that needs transforming until you are in the midst of it, with all the inner doubts and questions bubbling up and demanding to be acknowledged...released...and renewed into new stories based on deeper inner truths. We all have stories we have created about ourselves, whether positive or negative and we all have some that are buried safely so as not to be disturbed...so as not to shake things. So I was not exactly expecting some of those stories to come bubbling to the surface while in Bali...this retreat was titled 'bloom true and renew' and so naturally I thought of words like - peace, calm, self-love, happiness, warmth...all things light and airy and yes, fuzzy. So you can imagine my surprise at myself when within days I realised the actual truth of self-love, in the fact that it must go further, deeper, until it reaches those dark untouched stories that have been abandoned as damaged, ugly, messy, unworthy. And what happens then is actually where the magic happens. Because, that is where the transformation starts.

I have to just insert here that I feel such immense gratitude for the fact that I was surrounded by such an outstandingly, magnificently, beautiful, sparkly, gorgeous group of women...it was, to say the least, blissful. And... I know this sounds a little contradictory - the inner chaotic raw transformation and the blissfulness of the place and people. Perhaps that too is the magic of it. I was able to recognise for I think the first time, that even in that place of total rawness there can also be total joy. I think that was a fairly significant epiphany for me...which I think I realised on a day that was described by a few of us as 'raw and weepy' (yeah, ouch, right?). Because even that day (about half way through our week together), there was a sense of celebration in that, in acknowledging those deeper stories and allowing myself to feel them was in itself already an act of changing them. And we were in the perfect place for that - not only was the place naturally nurturing but we were also able to extend that out toward one another too.

It's always somewhat difficult to come back and explain how exactly being in Bali helped my painting process evolve, but the truth really is that when we do the soul work, that is inevitably reflected on the canvas. This year was very different for me - I think mostly because I was so determined to be completely present and allow myself to really feel the process and reflect on the inner process in order to identify what came up and whether those stories needed to be shifted etc.


As I mentioned, it was pretty early on that I realised that the reason I was in Bali this year was centred around the need to understand and express self-love. The notion of self-love began emerging as soon as I arrived (actually, even on the flight to Bali!). I had three days in Ubud before I travelled up to Amed to join the workshop, and it was during those three days that I made the commitment to myself to really try to consciously notice and acknowledge parts of my being that I have ignored or refused to listen to, or refused to change. I still didn't REALLY know what I was inviting in at that point, I still wasn't expecting so much to surface. I was, however, so determined to remain open and receptive to whatever did come up.

Our first evening in Amed, we all gathered around for our opening ceremony. One by one each of us shared a little about why we were there, what we hoped to invite in and what we hoped to let go of. In the centre of our circled stood a sweet little alter, with stones to place inside to represent what we hoped to let go of and lovely hand-made messages from Flora for us to choose from. One by one everyone picked out their card, each receiving messages that seemed perfectly attuned to the stories they had shared. Perfectly, the card I happened to pick up had this message: listen in.

I really am not sure how many times I came back to these two words over the week...countless. It became such a powerful way for me to focus, to really tune in and to let go of anything else that was getting in my way (ah-hm, self doubt).

Over the week I began leaning into those raw places, releasing old negative patterns of thinking and beliefs - feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, fear - and stepping into a new way of being. I am not quite sure how to particularly articulate that feeling...perhaps imagine a range of emotions - excitement, gratitude, worry, frustration, confusion, happiness, anxiety, doubt, joy, heaviness, lightness...and then imagine putting them in a blender. I think that's where that sense of 'rawness' came - there was such a spectrum of emotions going on as they battled with each other. For the most part,  I felt joy and gratitude and yes - love - overarching all of the others and oddly, there was an incredible sense of freedom in that. That true sense of self-love...that even despite whatever story was bubbling up to the surface, I could still experience joy and love. Flora had also shared a tool she uses when thoughts like this come up: when I feel *insert emotion* ...I feel love. It's not as easy as clicking the fingers obviously but it was a powerful tool to use in beginning to shift my thinking.

All of this inner work was so beautifully balanced out with plenty of opportunities to simply enjoy being, taking swimming breaks in the magnificent pool (really, ridiculously nice), wandering around the beautiful gardens and checking out the colourful magic unfolding on each persons canvas, chatting, inspiring and being inspired, affirming and celebrating. Blissful. There was definitely a lot of joy! I want to emphasise that because I know I'm delving a lot into all the inner 'stuff' that was going on for me, but all of that was held within that total context of bliss, too.

I have to say, I LOVE (like, love love love LOVE) how differently my paintings unfolded over the week. They were different to anything I have ever painted, ever! I was totally inspired by pattern and shape - and I was so very determined to step out of my comfort zone that this became my beginning point in a way. I was also trying to choose a colour palette that I wouldn't usually use - although obviously a few favs like teal worked their way back in there. Deciding to let go of the 'need' for imagery created a HUGE amount of freedom for me. With the words trust, listen in, joy, and love in my mind I felt my way around my canvas in a totally new way. I felt myself returning to the pure joy of creating...it was exciting. It felt good to make big bold marks, so I did. It felt good to use repetitive patterns, so I did. That's not to say that I wouldn't sometimes do something (like, for instance, make thick bold black lines across my entire painting) and feel a moment (or more) of panic and think "HOLY CRAP WHAT DID I JUST DO?" In fact, my first painting got to a stage where I just really disliked it...and it was a bit of a breaking point for me - (this was that raw and weepy day I mentioned). I couldn't even look at it! But after having time away from it and sitting with it and feeling it and after chatting with some lovely ladies (you know who you are) I was able to return to it with a whole new perspective - I couldn't believe it, I felt total release! I was totally able to let go of the fear of what it may (or may not) look like at the end and stand back and listen in...without that breaking point I couldn't have moved forward.

Aghhh...let go, right?

Flora's beautiful guidance and encouragement was never far away either - and I guess one thing that stood out so strongly for me was the simple fact that you can always do something again. And at the end of the day it is just canvas and paint (REALLY!). Nothing is ever permanent....commit...let go...commit again...let go...remember joy. (Really....it actually IS that simple!). I feel so totally honoured and grateful to have had another chance to learn from the radiantly gorgeous Flora. She is much more than a 'painting teacher' - she is more of a life teacher, really. Her teaching guides and nurtures you back to the heart centre, the core of everything...what happens on the canvas is purely a reflection of this.

Reminders and affirmations in all their shimmery sweetness emerged throughout the week - here are a few to sum it all up!

- Anything is Possible

- You are worth the work

- Listen in

- Remember JOY

- say YES!

- Trust your process

- Believe your TRUTH

- Accept your true beauty

- Feel free to move...DANCE!

Maybe it's time for You to listen in...? 

I wonder what You would hear? 

What stories or old patterns and beliefs do you perhaps need to transform? 

What are some reminders and affirmations that could guide you forward?

- love, peace, joy & gratitude - 

Vulnerability...again!

   

                                 

Vulnerability. It is funny just how much you begin to learn about yourself when you really open yourself up to vulnerability. ..I'm sure that goes without saying, but honestly, even though that's kinda obvious (duh!)...living that feels like a totally different story. I have to laugh, actually, at the humour of the Universe...as soon as I wrote about opening myself up to new opportunities, being pushed further out of my comfort zone, moving forward....it's exactly what happened (why should I be surprised?!). I'm probably just more surprised at what surfaced with that vulnerability - lots of old stories and habits about who I am etc....(I might come back to that later...).

                               

Armed with this 'willingness' to accept new challenges and open myself up to whatever opportunity, I found myself agreeing to an online interview, entering an art prize, participating in a group show and taking part of a small handmade market at the Preschool. I didn't (don't) even want to write about any of these things until they happened because, to be honest, I didn't trust myself quite enough that I would actually DO it. But now I've just returned home after submitting two of my paintings to the group show (and yes, it nearly didn't happen - thank god for good friends - and of course, I was there at the very last minute...deadline 6pm and I was there at 5.30!). I feel like this is something that I 'should' be shouting out and inviting everyone I know to...but instead, I feel like whispering it to just a few and then hiding in the corner. This is vulnerability. Argh! I'm not so good at 'shining' in these situations just yet...hopefully that comes with time...it would be nice to be able to say: "HEY! Guess what?! Some of my paintings are going to be hanging in a real gallery, with real artists!" *insert happy dance here*....DEEP BREATH HERE. I can't help it, it freaks me out....completely. Although it feels pretty good to be doing it anyway, so I guess that's something. And if you happen to be in Sydney on Thursday (9th May) you are welcome to pop by Tap Gallery, 45 Burton St, Darlinghurst, between 6-8pm to say hi and have a look around.

A pretty big fear of mine is my voice, which is pretty inconvenient really. Everything I've been trying to do creatively seems to push me into this fear. So it goes without saying that even agreeing to an online interview was confronting for me.  I think anytime you start trying to talk about yourself in this way it brings up vulnerability...for me there is so much past fear tied up in this - what if I sound stupid? What if it doesn't make sense? what if I don't sound smart enough? I'm standing inside this fear though (this blog in itself is part of that!). But anyway, I managed to get it finished and sent off, and you can find it over here at Evaelena's blog! I was lucky that my beautiful friend, Shelley, was willing to come visit me in my studio to take photos of me working... (did I mention I also hate having my photo taken)...I am so grateful for the consideration she showed me and the way she made me feel comfortable while she snapped away, it made such a huge HUGE difference.

Okay...(deep breath)...I guess since I started, I'll continue:

It is pretty interesting the things that start surfacing as you push yourself into fears like this. Particularly because there's no place to hide and it's just plain scary to feel that confronted with yourself. But at the same time, it is what I am craving. You can see the problem here...sometimes I just feel paralysed by resistance and it makes it pretty difficult to stay open and receptive. And when I do manage to start moving there is a pretty big part of me kicking and screaming and wondering, "well maybe no-one will notice if I just abandon that idea?" I know that all of this isn't new, besides being a pretty familiar story to me in general, I am aware that so many people feel like this. (I do wonder why this is the case? Surely it should be easier?). One of the main things that has surfaced for me over the past few weeks is this feeling that I 'need' confirmation and approval from people around me (that's pretty hard to admit on here, actually). It has really made me take a step back and question a few things...and probably that in itself motivated me to commit to these recent opportunities even more - and to just trust myself to do it (even if I am kicking and screaming). TRUST is a pretty big issue though, isn't it...? My whole painting process kind of relies on this so it is a pretty big alarm bell when I realise I still (STILL) have so much to learn about it. Trusting my process, my own truth, my own creativity, my own inspiration, intuition, path, (gulp) voice...none of that needs confirmation if I am truly honest with myself. Perhaps realising all of this is half the battle though - Hm. I think I'll choose to see it that way!

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and 

go into the wilderness of your intuition. 

What you'll discover will be wonderful. 

What you'll discover is yourself" 

- Alan Alda

It is a funny thing though, once you start going down this path...because even as uncomfortable as it feels sometimes, I can't really imagine going back...I can't really imagine not facing these things...because at the same time as being terrifying, there is such a sense of aliveness too. Perhaps it gets to a point where you can't just be content living in the old patterns and beliefs and stories and you have to keep moving into the new, despite the confrontations along the way.

"The moment in between what you once were, 

and who you are now becoming, 

is where the dance of life really takes place" 

- Barbara De Angelis

Credit for the photos included: Shelley Hawtin

Into the studio...

So not quite the next day, but here are a few photos from my new studio! It has been such an interesting week (really, has it only been just over a week? wow!). I am definitely settling in and feeling more at home in this space. It still feels a little uncomfortable, in the fact that it seems so exposed and open there - a little hard to get used to after hiding away in my safe little room at home! It is great though, to have this entire space dedicated to my own painting, where I can really focus on what I'm doing and get absorbed without the distractions of home. A little harder when you face resistance in this space though because there aren't so many distractions! For this reason though I've been so much more productive already - let's hope I can keep it up over time.

 (It didn't take me long to splash some colour around!)

 I was given both of these beautiful old wooden chests from two lovely people in my life to have in my studio...I love them! Don't you think that sometimes just having something old around you can make a place feel more comfortable and...I guess, 'worn in'? I love thinking about where these cases would have travelled to, what were they used for, what was the story of the people who owned them? It is sometimes a reminder that we are connected, people's stories continue long after they may be gone physically from the earth.

Actually, one of the first days working in my studio I hit a bit of a wall, so I started reading some of the interviews in the book 'The Artists Lunch' and I came across the interview with Mirka Mora (who is quickly becoming a fav of mine!). She articulates her relationship with art so eloquently and beautifully and her words often resonate with me. I love this quote, below, because it is such a great reminder to allow mystery...because with that comes, well, beautiful things! 

I thought I would also include a few photos of some of the pieces I've finished since moving into the studio - feels good to be 'getting on with it'! There is a place - definitely - for sitting back and contemplating and doing the thinking and living that is then put onto the canvas, but I sometimes have the tendency to use this as a little bit of an excuse when really I'm just resisting the doing. 

Above: 'fly fly fly'...8" x 10"

mixed media artwork on wood panel.

Below: These are a series of teeny tiny canvases that I started last Friday... here are the ones I've finished so far! It has been interesting working on such a TINY space - it can sometimes feel even more challenging than painting on a large canvas, but I had a lot of fun with this too... I always find these smaller canvases a great way to push myself in terms of l.e.t.t.i.n.g. g.o.

SO...I am learning to 'fly without fear'... wings spread wide open, in the face of all the obstacles, frustrations, hesitations, moments of doubt, that are all very real on this path...just keep on flying, going further and further forward... toward truth, and sometimes mystery.

Offerings...

'Feel the Breath' - 12" x 12" (sold).

I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude this week, as I find myself tuning in and recognising all the good that surrounds me. Since my last post, I've really been trying to turn my thoughts into actions and open myself up to all the universe has to offer me, as an artist. It has been interesting, to say the least, as my perspective has been opened up and I've gained some much needed clarity about what I am doing. 

A few days ago I had a little bit of an 'ah-ha!' moment, where I was able to really release some of my own emotional obstacles that limit and hinder me creatively. I was looking at all these beautiful photos of different artists work, and previously this would tend to make me question what on earth I am trying to do (you know, when obviously there are enough amazing, wonderful, talented artists out there - what am I trying to achieve?). This time was different though - I was able to see that it is all connected, and there is enough space for me in this creative world too (and for you too, by the way). I think this realisation is completely linked to all the conversations I've had recently about the notion that we are all one (or 'not two').

For example, the focus in yoga this month has been about illness and disease and the interconnectedness we all share with one another, with the environment around us....with everything. In paying attention to how our thoughts and actions impact not only ourselves (our health, state of mind...) but everything surrounding us, brings so much into focus. I love how so often something said in a yoga class, or in conversation with somebody, can be so relevant to where I am at in my painting process. 

It is this interconnectedness that has shifted my perspective, I think. People often ask questions like, 'what motivates you to paint?' or 'what do you paint for?'. I'm starting to understand that painting, for me, is more than just something I do for myself or more than "expressing myself" - although it is that too - but it goes deeper than that. I think everything anyone does from the heart, with all their soul, is an offering, and that's how I'm beginning to see my work as an artist. It is an offering, and a response, to the universe, to everyone and everything we are connected to, including 'myself'. And I hope that by doing my work, that I might inspire someone else to do theirs along the way, in whatever form that is. 

The painting above, 'feel the breath', played a big part in this clarity. Such a reminder to work through frustrations with gratitude and grace, by feeling the breath and allowing myself to move forward with ease. Sometimes that simply means to slow down and be present enough to see the smaller things, in order to take another step forward. 

So steps forward...Tomorrow I move into my first shared studio space over at Scratch Art Space. I'm so excited about this amazing opportunity - who knows what will unfold next? I am so grateful for the fact that I have this chance to push myself further out of my comfort zone - it's terrifying, but mostly exciting at the same time, and that is the best place to be to keep growing, right?

(I'll post some photos of my new studio soon - maybe even tomorrow if I get a chance!)

A section from the painting 'Morning Dew' - 24" x 24"

every morning brings new promises.

Peace - Love - Joy - Gratitude 

xxx

"Your art is your art"

Ok, so I admit...I have actually been resisting the very idea of writing on my blog for awhile now (well, yes, since November). I'm not entirely sure why, but I it may have something to do with the fact that I still have this false belief that I'm 'just pretending'... in my head it often sounds like this: "I'm a pretend artist, so what the hell do I have to offer?" (and I'm sure it is definitely not the thing I should post on my blog...BUT... I'd rather be honest and raw otherwise what is the point?). It gets brought to my attention more and more frequently just how uncomfortable I usually feel when I'm referred to or introduced as an 'artist'. I'm actually grateful for this because it gives me a pretty clear idea of the negative thought patterns I need to let go of still - what I need to keep affirming for myself. It just seems like the biggest contradiction for me, because I don't know how many times I say to people - "everyone is an artist!" I actually came across this description from an art magazine the other day, and it really stuck with me. When asked the question, "what does art mean to you", Mirka Mora answered:

It's your soul...you're art is your art - never dilute yourself. 

Nobody is allowed to tell you how to paint. 

Sometimes I try to tell myself what to do, but it never works! 

Because it's not art if you decide to do something. 

Art is free, but of course you have to be alert to catch it when it comes onto the canvas. 

I don't choose the ideas, they choose me. 

I don't wait for them. 

They come without my permission."

This just resonates so deeply with me - never dilute yourself - you are your own artist - there are no rules - be ready to respond to your intuition on the canvas - allow ideas to flow freely and with ease - accept what is. All these things that I know and am constantly working toward in my studio. This month at yoga the focus has been on 'letting go', and so I've been paying particular attention to any old negative thought patterns and beliefs that I need to release in order to continue moving forward - including this one. So I'm releasing it, and opening my arms out wide to accept every opportunity that the universe is waiting to present to me.   I am an artist.

What old negative patterns or beliefs do you need to release? What would your life look like if you could replace these with deeper truths and positive patterns/beliefs?

Here are also just a few snaps I've taken over the last month or so that have inspired me. I've been so drawn to colour recently, probably because I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone in relation to the colours on my palette so I've been searching for some extra inspiration! (...I AM learning to just accept it though when old favourites just have to work their way in there...sometimes that is what feels right!). 

These are just a couple of snaps of some of the amazing street 

art in Melbourne. Street art is so undervalued! Imagine if

more streets were brightened up by art like this? 

For Christmas I was given the b e a u t i f u l  book 'Bowerbird' (by Sibella Court).

When we noticed the children at Bambini making their own collections

we introduced Sibella's book to them - this is our bowerbird collection so far:

(this also inspired me to add to my own collections 

displayed  in my studio!)

'Abundance'

I finally finished this mixed-media painting that I had put aside 

out of frustration a few months back...it went in all kinds of

new directions when I just let go!

 Today, I also happened to pick up the book Colour: A Journey by Victoria Alexander while I was in the art store. So much beauty to share, but here is just a little bit of inspiration for you (from p.29):

Our eyes are sensitive to the nuances of colour and our emotions to the messages they send. We interpret and distinguish them in our own unique way. Choosing colours that feel right for you gives you a heightened sense of self, and being confident with bright choices gives an impression that you have an appreciation for life.

Everyone can have a colourful life.

Dare to inhabit yours.

Use it to the full. Live a colourful, lived-in life, one that's well worn from use and feeling. 

Little scratches mend, shines fade, patina builds up and becomes a part of who you are. 

Some parts of you - a hope, a love, a philosophy - may get lost. They probably weren't a good fit. 

Make quick repairs. Or at least try to by being in touch with your soul. Shooting a smile into the air helps mend a hole. A joke can push a dent or act as a wedge. To forgive is sublime, a miracle.

Show your true colours.

Life's as bright and simple or as dull and difficult as you make it.

(from Colour p.34)

Around here lately...

Hello there! It has been such a busy few weeks for me that I'm not sure where to begin. I have spent a lot of time setting up and creating my new Etsy store, which has been huge for little ol' me! I'm sure for many people this would be a relative straight forward and quick process, but for me it meant many hours of adjusting photos, re-taking photos (I'm quickly establishing that I am not a photographer!), re-writing, re-wording and re-organising. It has definitely been a learning process - one I nearly gave up on - but I made it, so if you would like to take a peek you can find it over here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/MeredithMallin. (Of course this is still early days so stay tuned for more additions over the coming weeks and months - and I'll have a special offer for you soon too!)

Sweet Pods - 5" x 7"

In my studio I've been busily finishing some of my teeny tiny pieces - I hadn't realised how comfortable I had become working on larger canvases where there is more room for playing with texture, colour, shape and size (funny I feel that way considering only at the beginning of the year the thought of a LARGE canvas was overwhelming!). These small canvases were quite a challenge at times - but I also had a lot fun with them too and it gave me a new perspective on letting go - I literally HAD to let go of something if I wanted to add anything else purely because there was no space left!

Dragonfly Love - 7" x 5"

 I love the little lessons that the moments of pure frustration bring - I think if it all came with 100% ease and comfort and knowing I would be missing the point entirely. Just like life, I think we need to face the things that make us squirm to be able to grow and evolve...that's when we can really find our strength in it's most authentic form. It is interesting how as humans we have this urge to always seem like we KNOW - and we do most of this 'knowing' with our heads rather than with our intuition - whether it's knowing information, which direction we'll go, how to handle difficult phases in life, how to contain emotion... how to appear 'together' and in 'control' - so what would happen if we let go of this 'need to know' and just accepted the unknown? I suspect that it would become a whole lot easier to listen to our intuition without all that other noise.

New Life 24" x 24"

I don't think I realised how hard this path could become sometimes - the pressure to have 'everything together' and for life to tick all the right boxes can become such a very loud and overwhelming noise... and I've definitely been feelin' that lately. So, I wanted to make a mention of how grateful I am for all of the support I've been surrounded with week after week. It has really become so apparent how much the tiniest little snippet of positive feedback can mean - these are like little sacred gifts from the universe! It seems that every time I feel myself struggling or feeling overwhelmed these little gifts are offered to me (at the most perfect time) and I'm encouraged to pick myself up and move along. Even writing this blog at times seems, to be honest, a bit ridiculous - but I'll keep on sharing this because of the chance that there may be someone else who needs to know that they aren't the only one thinking "really? Me? I can do this?" - (Because, yes, you can!). And I'm making a conscious choice to believe that myself until my head catches up with what my heart already knows- because it's all about believing in the unknown...right? 

And just before I go, here is a quote to encourage you along incase you are feelin' it too...

"I know that life is hard, and there there's a crushing pressure to just settle down and get a real job and khaki pants and a haircut. But don't. Please don't. Please keep believing that life can be better, brighter, broader, because of the art that you make. Please keep demonstrating the courage that it takes to swim upstream in a world that prefers putting away for retirement to putting pen to paper, that chooses practicality over poetry, that values you more for going to the gym than going to the deepest places in your soul. Please keep making art for people like me, people who need the magic and imagination and honesty of great art to make the day-to-day world a little more bearable. And if, for whatever reason, you've stopped- stopped believing in your voice, stopped fighting to find the time-start today."
-Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines 

Whatever it is that you love to do... I hope you start today. 

xx

Re-discovering old loves!

I love that the universe sends just the right message to you at exactly the right moment that it is needed, whether it be a friend dropping by, a conversation with a passing neighbour, long lost notes in a sketch book, or the insight of others in the online form...etc. etc. I have to say that recently I have been struggling with my own doubts and just feeling pretty overwhelmed with this whole creative process. The feeling that I need to justify what I am doing and why I am doing it doesn't seem so simple to overcome, and neither does the doubt or fear of...well... failing. Or being rejected. Or both. But the message is becoming clearer.... 

SO? 

Everyone starts somewhere, right? I might as well start here. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone was too doubtful, too scared, too overwhelmed to pour their heart and soul into what they love? What would the world look like? I feel so incredibly grateful for the fact that I AM able to do this for the time being and perhaps it is as simple as that. While I can, I am going to pour my heart into this, knowing that it is for a reason and that it is worthwhile. How about you? What will you contribute to the cause of life? It is all important, no matter the form. Sing, dance, love, teach, create, play...BE.

Recently in my studio I've been rediscovering the fun of mixed media again. Actually, this whole new 're-discovery' of mixed media started a month or so ago when I took part in 'The Big Stitched Postcard Swap' (by the 'Do What You Love' team), where I had to make a stitched postcard, using anything I liked, to send to a swap partner who lives in the U.K. I thought it would be pretty simple, but being someone that can't actually sew ANYTHING, it actually took me a long time and it was challenging in a lot of ways - trying to combine my painting technique on paper - and a tiny piece of paper for that matter! - and incorporating stitching... well, it took a few attempts. It has even inspired me to create some smaller pieces! I don't know if it was just that it took me so long and because there were so many attempts, but I was pretty happy with the finished one! Here is a little snap (sorry about the poor Iphone quality!)...what do you think?

I'm realising how 'comfortable' it can feel using the same 'methods' and ideas, and finding myself relying on a handful of 'tools' that just feel reliable and trustworthy. Types of marks, colour combinations, etc. So, adding some new materials and mediums has been interesting (and also frustrating!)... but I'm having fun with it mostly. It feels good to be experimenting with new combinations, and it does feel like I'm finding my own voice and style more over time. There is something actually quite liberating about not being stuck to one certain 'style' or medium too

... more opportunities and possibilities for creating something interesting and that is more me. 

This is my first finished mixed-media piece that I completed today! This is on wood panel, which is fun to work with as I'm not limited to just using paint. The printed paper I added in the background was the inspiration for the rest of the detail I added to this as well...and I also re-discovered masking fluid and INK... how did I forget about ink?! ....LOVE! I'm definitely going to be working with these materials more I think and adding in some others... maybe printing and some more natural materials too...lots happening in my little studio!

Keep your eye out for some more photos of the smaller pieces I'm working on, and also....my new Etsy shop will be opening soon!!

In the meantime...

What do you find inspiring?
What do you like to work with?

xx

To Nurture.

It has been awhile since I've posted here, even though I've been thinking that I should really get myself into gear and write a bit of an update for a couple of weeks now. I have actually felt like I haven't had much to share - that nothing much has been happening. Though that's not really true at all. There has been a lot happening in the last month. With a few big changes taking place, I've felt myself go into a bit of a 'nurturing' phase. Nurturing my body, my mind, my relationship and our home.... 

I've been adding small little details to our home lately, and it makes such a difference placing this intention into each room. Candles, small vases of flowers and even some of my paintings have been hung on the walls. Actually I've been inspired quite a lot from my new job - where there is so much beauty and 'goodness'. I love that there are so many collections of natural materials all displayed with thought and that the children help us collect small vases of flowers to decorate the dining room table or the spaces in our Preschool room...there is a lot of love poured into that sweet little place. 

Here are a couple of other little snaps from around...

Finally, free of clutter!

(not an easy task for a messy person like me!)

It is so much nicer to wake up to this though.

My 'new' storage shelf in my studio... 

Relaxing in the park, enjoying the beginning of SPRING.... 

It's so easy in this busy life to forget how important it is to stop and spend time 

nurturing...

whether it is nurturing ourselves, our home, our relationships, our family.  

It has become a bit of a 'ritual' for me now... just spending a few minutes of the day 

nurturing SOMETHING around me with intent and purpose...