Arriving in Bali I felt myself shift immediately. Even though I was arriving to join a group of women, travelling alone was definitely new territory. I was there to embrace the ‘unknown’ and to give myself the chance to grow and move forward - just a little further into possibility. I knew (and I know even more now!) that this was going to be the first step of many. I couldn’t believe that I was actually there, in Bali, about to meet Flora… whom I had already been so inspired by (and can I just say here, if you ever have a chance to meet this beautiful, inspiring, talented lady make sure you do!).
The following two weeks I felt like I was seriously living in a magical land of possibility. Even from the very beginning, as I travelled from the airport to the lovely Swasti (a little paradise of it’s own in Ubud), the driver who picked me up began sharing his whole life story with me so openly (in broken English of course!). The meaning of his name (Kerta) is ‘peaceful’ – and he was. He shared how he has come to believe that the best way to live peacefully is to “never think too hard, just do the action that feels right”. It seemed a little ironic that he was telling me this on my way to a retreat of yoga and intuitive painting…but as I would be told only a day or two later on a solo adventure into Ubud – “you’ll find things just happen to you in Bali when they are meant to”. And if you are open enough to allow it, how very true that is.
Home in Ubud - Swasti
As the next week of yoga and painting began, I was immediately confronted with myself. Standing amongst a group of amazing and beautiful women (including Flora), it wasn’t long at all before my mind began travelling around a well worn track of negative thoughts, self-doubt and inadequacy. “Who am I to be here?” and “how on earth am I going to do this?” (the yoga mat especially seemed like a very daunting place to be for me – especially amongst such well practiced lil’ yogis!). I think it was actually this first day that I completely appreciated ‘child’s pose’ on my yoga mat. It was a place that I very quickly understood to be a place where I could just rest myself – including my heart and mind (and yes sometimes there were tears!). It was a place where I could learn to be kind and gentle with myself. THEN I could believe that I was right where I was supposed to be… despite my inflexible wrong-shaped body, my fears and my general messy ‘stuff’. Who knew that this would become such a powerful place to be? I certainly didn’t! I sure was about to learn and transform!
Of course, following this came painting… and then meditation… and yoga… and sharing breakfast with beautiful new friends in the ‘nook’ (how refreshing, by the way, to meet such genuine, honest, open people), and then painting and yoga and…. You get the idea. And there were plenty of chances for wonderful adventures in between…jalan jalaning around ('just chillin')…including some close encounters with some scary (but cute) monkeys and visiting a spiritual healer – Wayan – who re-confirmed my belief that there is always a reason and a solution is not always found at the doctor (proven when extremely bad eczema had been healed completely within two days!).
One of my favourite places to chill - the nook!
It was amazing to paint surrounded by such beauty – the place and the people! – and with such an abundance of encouragement it was hard not to feel good…even in moments of frustration and through the ‘awkward and ugly’ layers of paint. This approach to painting is just so liberating and forgiving - there is always room to move forward and at any given moment the whole canvas could change course and something entirely new could emerge (if you can remain detached that is - a topic for conversation of it's own there!). I can't help but liken this 'layering' approach to painting to life as well... what if I were to look at each experience as 'just another layer', each one creating a more interesting and more beautiful life... a richer and more vibrant me?
Beginning layers....(excuse bad photos taken in the dark!)
many layers later: 'Move Forward'
As the week progressed I was genuinely surprised at how much I learnt about myself. My heart was opened W.I.D.E. – ouch – and a true and deep sense of healing began in places I didn’t even realise needed healing. More than a little confronting and overwhelming I might just add! Who knew I would be helped out of child’s pose and into a full back bend over the course of the week? (And I mean helped because I was... so grateful for the amazing, caring support I was surrounded by!). It really is quite a challenge to put into words the absolute transformational power the combination of Lisa Mae’s yoga instruction and Flora’s inspiring, encouraging and forgiving approach to painting had on me. Experiencing both together made perfect and complete sense as we moved through metaphor after metaphor, releasing all kinds of fears and that tired old critic that just loves to creep in whenever given the chance. I am ever so grateful for both of these lovely, kind, gentle, generous-spirited women (thank you! x).
So for me, this is the beginning of new directions and new possibilities. Each time I return to the canvas now I have this sense of knowing… I’m meant to be here. Which, for me, is not an easy thing to say (what will people think?! ME?). But I am SO very lucky to be surrounded by so many beautiful, inspiring and encouraging friends that build me up right when I need it (and throw in a few reality checks when that’s needed too!).
It’s hard not to come back from somewhere as beautiful as Bali and not feel refreshed… but I also feel myself standing stronger and much more determined to open myself up to whichever direction I need to go. Already I am being amazed at how the universe responds when we open our hearts and begin listening - so many new understandings and new opportunities emerging and unfolding. And with some big changes on the horizon, it is comforting to know that there is the safety of child’s pose waiting, whenever I feel I need to return, but also in knowing that I have the strength to stretch out of that, out of my comfort zone, into something a little more unknown - whether that be on the yoga mat, on the canvas or out in life.
Love and Gratitude....
xx
4 comments:
I suppose this is what blogs are all about, but I love the openness and vunerability of what you have shared here, to expose a strength of soul underneath. Keep it up!
Your thought about a layering approach to life is so insightful. I really appreciate it and thank you for sharing it. We all begin somewhere and you might think everyone else has it so much more together than you do, but it isn't true and your honesty shows that you are already far along on your path. Once you open to it, you will find that you become a wise woman to others you encounter. All it takes is not being too afraid to begin conversations that mean something. You are a beautiful woman and I am glad to have read your blog.
Hello Meredith, I am so very glad you place came up for Bali. You were so meant to be there honey! I loved reading your post and your words captured beautifully your incredible experience. Keep in touch honey and I look forward to seeing where this new path leads you, much love & creativity Liza xxx
How wonderful to start my day by reading your inspiring, insightful post. I'm taking "Bloom True" ecourse, opening up to the process of layering..... learning to embrace the idea of such change on the canvas from one day to the next. Loved your analogy about life's experiences. Keep writing!
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